Memories...

Today is Kati’s 13th Birthday. Thirteen years ago tonight, I was thinking that I might need some more meds because my bottom was killing me! I sent John out to find the doctor, and she was coming in at the same time. When she checked me, it was time to push. Push? What the heck was that? Joey was a C-section delivery. I was about to become a statistic… successful VBAC. In fact, that’s what I said as soon as she was born. hehe

While that is a happy memory, and one I won’t ever forget, what happened just last year on this night is also one that I won’t ever forget… but it’s not a happy memory. It is a memory that is fresh, and painful.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my Dad’s death. It’s been a tough year. There are more good days than bad, but the bad ones suck. It’s hard to think of the events of that night last year. We moved him to Hospice House on the 22nd around 3pm. Kati’s friend and her mom took her out to supper that night to take her mind off of things for a bit, and to celebrate her Birthday. Mom, John, Joe, Olivia, and I took some pizzas to HH and cooked them in the kitchen there and got to sit down at the table for the first time in a week and have supper together. After we ate, we all went back to visit with Dad for a bit. Joe had visited in the hospital, so seeing him there at HH was so much better. He was just resting, had his oxygen in his nose, just like he had for so long when he was still alive. We chatted with him for a little while, and John took the kids home. I stayed, Kati was going to be dropped off there so I was waiting for her. After a bit, I convinced Mom to go home. She needed to sleep, there was nothing that she could do there, he was in very good hands. I turned on NCIS, Dad loved NCIS. I chatted a little. I’m sure he was probably thinking I needed to shut up so he could hear the TV. Kati got there and talked to Dad about her birthday, and having supper with Kelsi. I’m so glad that they got the chance to see him there the last time, peacefully resting, not hooked up to all of the monitors and tubes, and such at the hospital. Ronnie, Dad’s oldest son(step-brother) came so I said “good night” and that I’d be back to see him in the morning. The call came at 1:39am. It was Mom, we needed to go to HH. As I was hanging up, John said “It’s not the 22nd anymore”. I was so thankful. I asked Dad before I left if he felt that it was time to move on, would he just wait till after Kati’s Birthday. He waited. I think he waited till he was alone too. None of the family there. He wasn’t alone, his hospice nurse was there with him. He was gone by the time we got there. They had cleaned up his bathroom (taken all of the medical stuff out, etc), and taken out his oxygen tube, and he was basically just lying there peacefully. I know I keep saying that word, but honestly, after what he’d been through, that’s the best word to describe it… peaceful. I think one of the biggest blessings of that week before he passed though is that he asked John to pray with him. He might not have led a very Godly life, but in the end, he was forgiven.

We miss you Dad. Say hello to Grandma, Grandpa, & Grand-dad for me. If you see Delores, tell her I miss her too. And Jim & Kathy too.

God please take care of my Mom. Especially tomorrow when I know that she will be hurting. I feel so helpless, but I know that You can take care of her. Hold her heart so it doesn’t break again. Be with the rest of the family as we are still grieving. Thank you for your blessings, and for your Son who makes it possible for us, no matter who we are or what we have done, to find salvation and know that we will spend eternity with you.