Changes...

As I sat down to write this, the little kids are playing, not sure what they are playing because it involves a yellow monkey being tossed about, but they are playing nicely so I thought it might be ok to catch up on my blog reading for a little while. 

Most of the blogs that I read these days are about families who have started the journey to adopt, are in the process, are in country right now, or have finally brought their child(ren) home.  Some of them fall into a couple of those categories!  I just love reading about the various kids, special needs or not.  It sometimes helps me to feel better about the craziness that is, and always has been, my life.

I just realized that it has been 4 months today since we sat in the doctor’s office at the orphanage in Ukraine listening to her tell us all of the “problems” that Timothy has, all the while just waiting for the moment when they would finally bring him in and we would get to meet our son for the first time.  I will never forget the look on his face as the nanny led him into the room; he was curious, and a bit nervous I think.   I just wanted to scoop him up and hold him and tell him that I would always be here for him and how much I love him. 

When I look at Timothy, I see a little boy who has changed so much in the 4 months since I first laid eyes on him.  He has filled out physically, his little cheeks are chubby, and you can’t see his ribs sticking out anymore (he still has no butt, but maybe that’s a good thing hehe).   He loves popcorn, and cold milk, and popsicles, and ice cream, and peanut butter M&Ms, and chicken nuggets from McDs…he loves his La-La(Olivia), and going bye-bye.  He loves bath time, and dressing himself in the clothes he picks out.  He loves playing with noisy toys, and talking on his cellphone, and sleeping with the pillow pet that Nonnie got him for Christmas.  He loves playing in the Nursery at church, and singing along during praise and worship time.  He loves the “ya-ya”(baby) that comes for daycare here.  He loves to snuggle with Momma and say our prayers right before bed but after the kisses and hugs from everyone else.   And of course, he is a boy, so he also loves bugging the other kids, or throwing things, and climbing, and rolling around on the floor and stacking things up just to knock them down.  He has celebrated his first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first New Year, first Valentine’s day, and on Sunday,  and his first Birthday (he will be *5* but I doubt he’s ever really “celebrated”) is Sunday.

There are still times when he seems to get scared, and cries or gets upset.  Those are the times that he especially needs to be reminded that we love him, and that we won’t let anything happen to him.  As his Mom I want to keep him away from people who don’t understand him, or people who might hurt him.  I want that for all of my children. 

It’s been a little over 4 months since my siblings and their families have had any contact with us.  They will never know what they are missing out on in our new adventure, they only know the bitterness that they have been holding on to, and with each passing day the distance gets greater.  Do I wish things were different?  Yes.  Do I feel responsible for the way they feel?  No, I can’t change the way anyone feels, much less my family.  They are the ones who have chosen not to address the issues that they have and work things out; it is not my responsibility to “fix” things this time.  I have worked things out with my Mom(lots of tears, and hugs, and talking), and while things aren’t the same as the used to be, we are in a good place, of course all relationships are a daily work in progress, even with family.

As I listen to the kids eating their lunch, I can’t help but think of how blessed we really are, and how different our lives have been since our sweet (but yes, sometime ornery) little guy came home, and thank God for even the crazy days that we have because even on those days, He is a part of it, and we are doing just what His plan has been for us from the very beginning.