What if...

As I was cleaning this afternoon, mopping the kitchen actually, I was thinking about our family, and what we have, and what we take for granted. There's me, and John, and Joey, Kati, and Olivia. My Mom, my sister, BIL, four nieces, my brother, SIL, one nephew (who is Timothy's age too!)... and of course all of our family a little further away in FL... John's parents, his brother, and SIL, and three nephews with thier families... We know that at any given moment if one of us needs the other, all we have to do is call, and they are there.

My kids know that all they have to do is call my name, or some semblance of it, and I'll be there, same with their Dad.

We have family gatherings, Mother's Day is coming and we'll get together at my Mom's for a cookout. It's painfully obvious sometimes that Dad isn't with us anymore(he passed away in September), but that's for another post. We have food, and the kids play, and we all visit, and just spend time together.

In Timothy's world, there are probably several caretakers, maybe he is closer to one or two than the others, but he doesn't have a Mommy and he doesn't have a Daddy. Has he ever had ice cream? Or Birthday cake? Or gotten a gift that he didn't have to share with the other children in his groupa? Or a toy that was just for him? Is he allowed to have a favorite blanket, or teddy bear to comfort him when he is lonely? Is there someone that holds him and gives him love when he needs it? I'm sure the answer to all of those questions is "No".

I've been thinking about what size he might wear, and looking at clothes and toys that he might like. I'm sure he has no idea who Thomas the Tank, or Lightening McQueen, or Buzz Lightyear are. I know how overwhelming it will be for him, but I want to show him all of the things he's been missing.

Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling of saddness. I remember when I had Joey, I wanted to keep him with me every moment because I was so afraid that if I didn't, they (the hospital staff, doctor, whomever) wouldn't let me keep him, they would take him away from us. This is so very different, there is that real possibility. We could love Timothy, and work and pray for him, only to lose him. There are no guarantees. There are too many people involved, and too much at stake. All it takes is for one person to not "approve" of us.

Then there is the money. God is blessing us. We have a wonderful support system of friends, and family, and our church(who are both friends & family hehe). But once things are all approved, we'll get a date. That date will be our SDA appointment, the day that we need to be in front of the judge to accept Timothy's referral. We will have to have a huge amount of money to take with us, and for our plane tickets. Ugh... just thinking about it makes me crazy...

God puts people in our lives for a reason, and I can't help but feel positive that He put Timothy in our lives so that we can bring him home and love him.