Today was hard...

Today was the first 4th of July without my Dad. I didn't think it would really be a big deal, I mean, heck, I made it through Father's Day without tears. But Dad really liked the 4th of July when we were growing up. I remember one year, we made a trip to Missouri from Illinois to buy fireworks because they didn't sell them in IL. I remember that we drove forever, and after we went to the fireworks stand, we had Kentucky Fried Chicken for lunch, or supper. LOL I also remember that on the
4th, we were at my oldest (step)brother's house, and somehow, someone tossed a lit cigarette and it went into one of the bags of fireworks... WHAT a mess!! They were flying everywhere! I remember lots of cookouts. I remember when we moved to FL the display was put on behind our mall, and we'd go to supper, and then a movie, and we'd sit in the theater parking lot, which was across the street from the mall, on top of the car after the movie to watch the fireworks. I miss my Dad, especially today.

Today was also a rotten day because I put so much work, and thought, and HOPE into my craft table sales, and only sold six things. 2 lanyards, a card, a glass tile pendant, and two magnets. I was hoping that today would make big money for our adoption fund. $35. I am thankful for that $35, but it's not enough to buy a plane ticket... or even to pay the postage to send our dossier to Timothy's country. I'm just so disappointed. And, I'll admit, a little discouraged.

Today came on the heels of a few other disappointments from this week. The additional paperwork that we need, the USCIS meany that said he'd "get to" our file "sometime soon", and the news that several families have "lost" their children even before they've met them. There is a family right now who will come home from their trip empty-handed because they didn't "pass" court. They have been there for several days, visiting, and bonding with the little girl that they already think of as their daughter. We all go into this knowing that it could happen. The country that most of us are adopting from is a difficult one in that they don't "officially" give the child's referral until you are in country. Anything could happen. Most of the children who have been "lost" are because they have been adopted by someone from that country. Citizens of the country have first "dibs" on them. While this is definitely something to be thankful for because it means that precious child is no longer an orphan, it's still heartbreaking to the families that have loved them from afar.

I'm feeling so discouraged. Maybe it's because I shouldn't have been at the craft fair today, I should have been at church. I don't know.

For the first time in this journey, I'm doubting what it is that God wants from me. We have all worked so hard to get to this point, and I've always felt that God was in all of our work toward our goal of bringing Timothy home. It's not really that I doubt that is His will, I'm just having a tough time with the waiting, and the unknowns right now. I know that I need to surrender all of my doubts and fears to Him and let Him take care of things, in HIS time. I've been so hoping that we could travel in August. With all these hurdles though, it's not really looking like that will happen. And now that it's to close, and there's still not enough money, it's really doubtful.

We love Timothy already. We want to bring him home to be a part of our family.

Lord, please help. Help me to accept your timeline. Help us to continue the quest for the paperwork, and please touch the heart of our county assessor so that he will give us the paper that we need without much trouble. Please, please, please help me to see what I need to do to raise the money that we still need. I will work as hard as I need to. Thank you for your blessings and your provision so far in our journey. Help me to go to sleep and awake tomorrow with fresh eyes, and ready to complete the tasks that need to be done. Amen.