Craziness!! :)

It’s been so busy around here, good busy and yucky busy, that I just haven’t had the desire to post.  I’m trying to change that, I am.  Especially now that the kids are out of school.  I’m now officially the Mom of a Junior in HS, an Eighth grader, a Kindergartener, and a Preschooler (for now T is going to go back to Preschool to start off the school year, we’ll see after that though).

I have been reading many family blogs since we started our adoption process.  So many other RR adoptive Moms have become my friends through our process, and theirs.  Some of the ones who have come home have been posts about the sunny things, the accomplishments, the new things that their children are doing now that they have new siblings, the things that they do as a family now that they have their child home, and their family is complete.  Most though decide at some point to be “real”.  They share their troubles, and their frustrations, and the tough things that are happening. 

This is going to be one of those “real” posts.  Don’t worry though; there will be some photo cuteness at the end for your viewing pleasure. 

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you will know that things didn’t go according to plan while I was gone.  There was a HUGE misunderstanding with my Mom (and subsequently my siblings), most of my daycare families left, and life since being home has NOT been all sunshine and roses (not that it ever was!  Hehe).  Life with a non-verbal ball of energy with Down syndrome is challenging some days!  Looking back of course, I can see where we have grown, and I can see where God has been, and honestly, many days, it is only His footprints you will see because He was carrying me.  If not for that, I would surely have drowned long ago. 

I would be lying if I tried to tell you that the stuff with my family hasn’t bothered me. I have never really blogged about it to protect their opinions/privacy, and because frankly, I was afraid of hurting their feelings more than they already had been.  Not that they have done that for me, I just chose to be the bigger person. But, at this point, maybe getting it all out there will help me get past it and move on because it has surely been a distraction in my life (you know like the elephant in the room!) I have been declared “dead” by my brother’s wife (because I thanked her for butting into something that wasn’t hers to butt into while we were in Ukraine), thus she wouldn’t read my emails, won’t speak to us, completely staring through me on the couple of occasions she has seen me in public, and I am sure giving her friends and family an earful about what a horrible person I am.  Her son (my brother’s son too!) is not allowed around “those people” anymore either.  Of course, I can see her side of it, she is as innocent as they come and has never done anything to hurt any of the family(insert appropriate sarcastic tone here), like breaking my brother’s heart, or not calling or visiting while our Dad was in the hospital just a few minutes from where she works, even after we knew he was not going to make it (no support offered for my Mom or any of the rest of us while we were dealing with that), and I won’t even mention the fact that she left the state(taking her son but NOT her husband who couldn’t go because of his work schedule) on our family’s first holiday without Dad (he had only been gone 2 months).  My own sister has chosen her “side” instead of defending me or even talking to me about the whole issue (that whole blood is thicker than water theory has holes in it for sure!), even through the holiday season.  Then there is the fact that she didn’t come to any of our events or fundraisers for Timothy, and acted like we were bringing the plague into the family when we first mentioned adopting him and hasn’t really spoken to us since, so I’m not sure what her real issue is.  Oh, and I also won’t mention the personal issues that she herself has drug the family into and out of(really, I won’t mention those, they aren’t that important in detail, just know that we have supported her through some very irresponsible decisions that she has made over the course of the last 10 years or so, no questions asked, because that’s what family does even if we initially didn’t support said decisions). Am I innocent? HA! Nope!!  Are there life decisions that I wasn't smart about? Ohhhh yeah!!  Were there things that I should have done differently in this situation? Yes!  I have never denied that, I’ve never been given the chance to answer their questions or “defend” myself because they have decided that excommunicating us from “their family” is easier apparently. 

Of course, in all of this, there are children involved.  I have never spoken ill of any of them in front of my kids, it’s not really important for them to worry about the details, they just know that the reason that we haven’t had any family gatherings with everyone together is because Aunt A & Uncle T are mad at me so they don’t want us around them.  It was hard at the holidays, but in everyday life we aren’t really around them much anyway so it isn’t as tough.   Of course, I don’t know what they have told their kids when they ask where we are, or why they haven’t gotten to meet their new cousin, I’m sure I can imagine it isn’t nice.  It makes me sad that the kids can’t interact with their cousins, and I miss my nieces and nephew, and yes, my sister and my brother. 

I’m not sure where I really wanted to go with any of that other than to just get it off of my chest.  My relationship with my Mom, though very broken and strained in the beginning(when we first got home), is repaired, and we are fine, I think we’ve settled into our new “normal”.   The things that happened still come up, and we deal with them, and move on, THAT is what family is supposed to do.  I love my family, and I wish things were different, but I can’t change things because it’s not mine to change. 

I have been hurt in all of this craziness too.  They accuse me of abandoning my Mom, and kids, and leaving too much responsibility on her while we were gone, things that were completely beyond my control that I could not have forseen, I can’t see into the future (too bad I can’t we could be rich!).  I didn’t plan for my home to be infested with fleas within the first week (causing LOTS of extra stress for everyone because of the preparation for treatment, cleaning, etc).  I had NO idea that the people I had lined up for backup would pull out at the last minute (literally) leaving everything on Mom (& John when he got home).  I had NO idea that there had been a miscommunication in John’s return date (until it was already upon us!).  Things began to fall apart here due to all of those major things, attitudes were very high, as was the stress, and that translated to big trouble.  I certainly did NOT know that things would be so bad for my daycare families, the plan that I had set seemed to be pretty concrete before I left.  It wasn’t till I was 6000 miles away that things started to crumble… and for some, there has been no repair.    If I could go back and change things, I absolutely would.  Of course, I can’t, things happen beyond even my control (I know, hard to believe!  Hehe).   The best laid plans and all that…

Everything that happened while we were gone has had an effect on life since we have been home.  Besides the family issues, essentially losing my job(two of my families stuck it out, THANK YOU!!) has put a HUGE financial strain on us.  Things are getting better, God has sent new daycare children my way, I’ve gotten my paperwork in order to renew my registration through the state(I let it go in February to take some time “off” while we re-evaluated things and got some work done on the house), and I’ll be going back to the food program once all of that is in place.  So, financially, I pray that the hardest part should be coming to an end (please God!!).  Of course, financial issues make day to day life even harder than usual. 

I wish I could say that since things are looking up in the financial stuff, life would be a bowl of cherries.  I will tell you though; there will be no cherry pies in our near future unless a few other things change.  The dishwasher needs repaired (and with daycare kids, I NEED that thing working!!), the new carpet/flooring is put on a temporary hold for a couple of months, the kids are all out of school, so it’s gonna get crazy round here (but that’s the good news)…

Every day God shows me that He is here.  He is holding me when I feel like I just can’t keep moving.  My children are my motivation, well, that and the fact that I really don’t like the laundry piling up or the dishes… hehe 

The other good stuff?  Timothy continues to grow (30 lbs at his last appointment on Friday, up 4 lbs since coming home!!), and thrive, and learn, and bond, and just be a wonderful, loving addition to our family.  He amazes me on a daily basis!  Now if I could just convince him to sit still for a few minutes… hehe All of the other kids successfully completed school this year (both Joe & Kati continue to be on the Honor Roll).  All are healthy and adjusting very well to our little ball of energy.  We are all learning lots of signs too since Timothy isn’t speaking yet. 

We are hoping to make a trip to Chicago to meet a bunch of other RR families this summer.  The pool will be open soon, swim lessons, some summer programs at the school, trips to the park, the library, and wherever else we can find are all in the plans too. 

Ok… as promised… picture fun!

Joe in his West Burlington Choir robe before
a concert

Timothy & Momma before the same concert

Kati, a different concert! LOL!

Daddy sits in his chair JUST like this with his laptop, and the
blanket over his legs!  It was soooo cute when I caught Timothy
sitting there just like Daddy!!

Working hard! hehe

Our little dancer!  Olivia in her recital costume
on picture day!

Striking a pose!

Olivia & her BFF!!  This was taken at R's Birthday party!
Now they are both 4!!  

Olivia accepting her "diploma" from Preschool from Mrs.  M.

The grad & Mrs. M

M, Timothy, and Ms. K
 (M is Timothy's one on one associate &
Ms. K is the classroom teacher in his class.  He will go back to
them next year too!)